‼️ tw: suicide and overdose is mentioned sooo please read at your well being
It been a year since this incident and I decided to share it for anyone that is in the situation as me to know that your not alone ☺️❤️
Context: after me and my ex broke up, I got into a relationship pretty quickly like in 2/3 weeks. I believed I just missed having someone close to me, someone to talked to and just having someone in general.
Me and him move really quickly but it was super on and off and he will be the one asking me for break ups because he isn't over his ex. ( which is true cause he would talk about his ex all the time)
I would beg him to stay and ask him back all the time. There was once he ended the relationship with me when I had my examination and he knew! After my examination, he told me to meet up and I should befriend with this ex of his that he had treated as a rebound. Me and her became really good friends and we decided that why not we try and find for his ex he was not over to know her side of the story. Through my mutual friend, we added his ex on instagram and came to an understanding for the reason they ended. Even his friends said I had to end this relationship as soon as possible while I defended him.
I got really disgusted with him and texted him lesser which he realised. He asked me and I didn't want to say anything but I thought if this was a relationship communication was really important, thus I told him the full story and told him lets try for one month.
At the start if was fine but on 11/9/2022 he ended with me officially because I talked to him about my ex and how my friends chose him over me while I'm the one that is usually there for them. He told me that we were both not over our ex while I begged him to stay and cried over the phone for 2 hours straight.
For the whole of one week I went into severe depression, I did not talked to anyone about it and suicidal thoughts arise as I wondered why everyone was leaving me. I couldn't turn to my parents as I didn't tell them about this relationship. 2 days before I ended my life, he went out with his ex crush. lol that make me really felt worthless and I was just nothing to him. I was out with my bestfriend that day as I had an off day but when I reached home, my mom was hitting the roof and I somehow got involved.
I couldn't take the feeling of being alone and OD thinking it would end my life. I kept vomitting constantly and even vommited out blood. I lied on the kitchen table and my dad sent me to the hospital after realising what happened. I actually thought I almost suceeded as I blacked out when I was rushed to the A&E. I woke up to IV drips and vomitting constantly. After a week I was discharge and had to go back to my intrest group (CCA) event as I planned it and he came up to me to talked to me privately. He told me that he still care about me and all the bullshit.
❗️gaslighting and manipulation
during the relationship, he would forced me into doing things I didn't want and gaslighted me into thinking that if I didn't do what he wanted means I didn't love him.
I had to distant all my guy friends away because he would get like mad over it and say that he felt insecure although I was friends with them before him?
❗️using me for money
during the relationship, he was kinda poor and I would spent alot on him and helped him pay back the money he owed his friends. He would borrow money from me to buy what he wanted. (ps; brother owes me $100+ but I'm taking him as a charity work)
❗️rebounding
I actually got to know that I was his rebound because he told his friends infront of me and he also told me I was his target the first time he landed his eyes on me during the ice breaker
❗️victimising himself
I actually came to learn about it when his friends from the ig told me that I WAS THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM INSTEAD. He wasn't able to tell them the full story apparently and told his friends to take care of me??? wtf
He left the ig after I decided to go back and told people that because I look happy in there thus he wanted to leave
❗️should have listen to his friends
I should have listened to his friend when they asked me to ended with him no matter what feelings I had for him.
❗️revenge
I actually didn't took any action suprisingly but I did came out to my advisor the reason I had left the IG previously, he did asked for my opinion if I wanted to report the incident but I chose not to as he had a case on his hands already. However, seeing him getting certs and achievement he honestly don't deserves makes me questioned if I should exposed this hideous person he is
❗️others
From time to time, I would hear things about me from him but honestly I can't really be bothered as I was concious to how I had treated this whatever we had with nothing more but respect. I told him not to tell anyone I was his ex and don't even tell people we dated because I am so embarrased by him.
Currently, his dating someone and honestly, whatever it is, it may be her canon event or maybe he changed for the better (i doubt, lepords never change its spot) but life goes on.
To anyone that is going through the same thing know that your not alone. Know that there are many people out there willing to listen to you and if any one wont, I will, just slide into my dm and your not alone ❤️
